Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Calculator

Thursday, September 30, 2010

September 30th Day 4

Breakfast ~ Half an instant packet of cream of wheat, half a glass of orange juice
Lunch ~ breakfast burrito, egg, cheese and sour cream
Dinner ~ 1 piece home made apple pie, few bites of spaghetti, 1 piece of garlic bread, 12 oz of Dr Pepper

Not my best eating day but not overly terrible... OK it was horrible.  No snacks and pie instead of dinner.  What was I thinking.  My workout went good though.  I had to take it easy on the jumping with my shins being hurting again but I am just pushing through this time.  No wimping out for me.  The run was great today.  I ran just over 2 miles in 26 mins.  So thinking I could do 2.5 miles in 30 mins.  The goal is 3 miles in 30 mins.  I am going to do this.  Once I can run the whole 30 mins/3 miles I will start doing my marathon training.

Calories in 1104
Calories out 487

All calories counted are approximate.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

September 29th

Breakfast ~ Complete bran flakes with milk
Snack ~ String cheese, chocolate milk
Lunch ~ 1/4 of a healthy choice meal Tangy BBQ chicken
Snack ~ Dr. Pepper, sour cream and cheeder chips (I paid for this snack in the bathroom)
Dinner ~ home made burrito, beans, cheese, olives and sour cream.

Calories eaten ~ 1374
Calories burned ~ 222ish
Water ~ not enough about 7 glasses.

Workout was great.  I hate to say it but I think I prefer to work out alone.  I like the "me" time.  With Chris there I feel silly and don't want to push to hard and make him feel bad.  Alone I will push myself a little harder.  My shins are acting up again :( so ice and motrin it is.  I just have to keep at it.  They will get better and especially as the weight comes off.  I will not have so many aches and pains as the pounds melt away.  I am going to look for a book tomorrow that might have a training log in it also.  I think I will pick up a new cookbook too while I am out.  Who knows.  Its a Jessi only day and I plan to enjoy it.  I am doing great and feeling great.  Had a fat moment when I first started my workout but by the end I was over it :).

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

September 28th

Breakfast ~ 1 eggo waffle plain
Snack ~ Wheat thins
Lunch ~ Lean Cuisine Cheese Raviolli
Snack ~ Green Tea
Dinner ~ crockpot chicken, macaroni and cheese, broccoli
Calories eaten ~ 1242
Calories burned ~ 425ish
Water 8 cups

Workout ~ Walk/Jogged 2 miles today for a total of 222 calories burned in 31 mins.  Day 2 of the 30 day Shred.  The jog was great.  I warmed up for 5 mins.  Jogged for 4, walked 1, jogged 4, then walked most of the way back.  Felt crappy to walk so much but motivating to jog so much.  Did about a 16 min mile.  I am going to sign up for the Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon in June of 2011.  I am going to do this.  I was on a high the rest of the day I felt so good.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Day 1 AGAIN!! September 27th

Here we go again :).  I am on another 30 day shred.  This time I am trying to do the more advanced stuff.  I did most of today at the advanced level.  The push ups really were rough and had to be done at the beginner level.  Made me feel bad at first but I finished the rest of the workout strong so that was good.  Push ups are just tough!

Breakfast ~ 1/2 serving raisin bran
Snack ~ Kashi bar
Lunch ~ 1/2 Chicken, spinach, cheese sandwich, 1 slice home made apple pie, 3 baby carrots, saltines
Snack ~ last of saltines
Dinner ~ 1/4 baked chicken breast, rice, green beans
Snack ~ handful of popcorn

Calories taken in ~ 1389 (approximate)
Calories burned ~ 200 (approximate)

Friday, September 24, 2010

September 24th

Well tonight would have been my last night.  But I decided to just give myself a break.  Yes another one.  I have been having spells of dizziness and lightheadedness.  And usually by night time its better but tonight I almost feel over.  So I decided that perhaps tonight it would be ok to not work out and go to bed early and just relax.  I will do light cardio this weekend, a walk or run and then Monday start another 30 days.  I did great and the next 30 days will be even better.  I just need a break to not have something major go wrong.  It isn't my eating, I ate a good dinner today.  So glad I have a medical appointment on Monday to check it out.

Breakfast ~ Chai Tea 12oz
Snack ~ granola bar
Lunch ~ Jimmy Johns sandwich, no mayo, add avocado with turkey, lettuce and cheese.
Snack ~ none
Dinner ~ salad, breadstick x2 and ravioli de portabella (only three raviolis).

I remember when I used to be able to sit and eat the whole plate, 3 or more breadsticks and two plates of salad.  My how my portions have changed.  But I was full and I stopped.  No need to make myself sick.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

New picture

So I took my after photo even though I have one more night.  But one night isn't going to change much.  I am going to move my weight loss ticker back up top.  I adjusted it to 165 which is where I was when I started this August 28th.  I can't believe how far I have come since April.  If I hadn't slipped in July and August I would be doing much better, however I am back on track and I intend to stay there.   The scale is moving more now to.  I can't wait to start level 1 with Chris it will be so great to have a partner.  I will probably still do some kind of workout Sat and Sun just because I am so used to it but nothing crazy.  And adding running should be a breeze three days a week, during lunch for 30 min.  Goal is to get my 2 mile down to 20 min.  I got my water proof pants, just have to get a light weight water proof jacket.  Woot go me!  I feel better too.  I think that means more than the number on the scale.

September 23rd

Breakfast ~ white chocolate mocha, half a bagel with cream cheese
Snack ~ nothing
Lunch ~ chicken, spinach sandwich on multigrain wheat
Snack ~ saltines
Dinner ~ spicy chicken sandwich, french fries and Dr. Pepper small
Snack ~ None

Workout ~ Day 29 of my 30 day shred.  What a good workout.  I tried to push when I could to the advanced levels.  Some of the jumping is hard on my right knee but I got through it.  Not enough water today.  I was very thirsty.  To much caffeine between the soda and the coffee this morning.  Out of control I tell you :).  I am going to do my after picture tonight.  I will take new before pictures on Sunday.  I am going to do some back shots too and with either shorts or capris so we can see my hips, thighs and calfs so we can see how those change if they do.  I love my calfs they are sexy :).  Ok well off to take a picture and shower.  One more day and I will have finished my challenge.  I am so proud of myself.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

September 22nd

Breakfast ~ bowl of complete bran flakes with milk
Snack ~ granola bar
Lunch ~ PBJ, Saltines
Snack ~ cup of peaches
Dinner ~ 1/2 bean burrito, 1/2 chicken chalupa and a couple bits of Linda's pizza

Workout felt great.  I was being kind of emo so it helped to burn off some of that stress/steam.  I am getting better, not advanced but better.  Next go round will be even better :).  I only have 2 more days left.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

September 21st

Breakfast ~ 1 nutra grain waffle (not tasty)
Snack ~ granola bar chocolate chip
Lunch ~ turkey, cheese, spinach sandwich on multigrain wheat (45 calories)
Snack ~ saltine mini crackers
Dinner ~ sesame chicken, terriaky chicken and some rice.  Root beer to drink.

Water was good today.  At least 4 containers full at work (16 oz per container)  So at least 8 cups while at work.

Exercise ~ walked just over 2 miles in 50 mins buring 259 calories according to my heart rate monitor.  Level 3 of the 30 day shred.  Today was a good day.  My body is adjusting slowly to level 3.  I got through more of it without breaks and did the first part of strength as advanced instead of beginner.  I am still not doing much of the jump training but I did the squat jumps and rockstars without a break today.  Improvement is a good thing.  I feel good tonight.  Perhaps I should work to do it a bit earlier from now on so I can go to bed earlier... We shall see.  Three more nights then a 2 day break before starting again on level 1 with Chris.  I bet you guys can't wait for that :).

Monday, September 20, 2010

September 20th

Breakfast ~ White Chocolate Mocha, Bagel with cream cheese
Snack ~ granola bar
Lunch ~ easy pasta (leftovers)
Snack ~ ritz peanut butter crackers
Dinner ~ ramen (I know so healthy)

Workout was great.  I felt good today and not all bleh like I was Saturday.  I think the break was just what I needed.  I was able to push a bit more without over doing it.  I will finish on Friday instead of Thursday now.  No big deal.  I am doing great.  Even had someone say I looked thinner that always feels good.

September 19th

My body was telling me to take a break so I did.  I was getting dizzy/lightheaded spells and had another female issue.  So I took Sunday September 19th off.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

September 18th

Breakfast ~ 3 Blueberry muffins
Snack ~ None
Lunch ~ 1/2 cup macaroni and cheese
Snack ~ Wheat thins, cream cheese and pipapecker sauce.
Dinner ~ Easy pasta from my Fitness magazine.  Wheat Penne, Tomatoes, spinach, garlic and cheese.  328 calories per serving.  YUMMY!!
Snack ~ Sugar, fat free chocolate pudding

5 days left of the workout.  My body is protesting every step of the way.  But I am determined.  I always feel better after but I will be thankful for a few days off.  Then back to a 6 day a week workout schedule.  Or at least that is the plan for right now.  Chris said if I restart the 30 day shred he will do it with me.  I am thinking about doing it on a 6 day a week schedule instead of 7 and see how that goes.  We shall see.  If I do restart it I won't move on to the next level until I can do it without breaks.

Friday, September 17, 2010

September 17th

Breakfast ~ White Chocolate Mocha
Snack ~ half a small bag of cheetos (I almost fainted, so it was there and easy)
Lunch ~ turkey, cheese and spinach sandwich on split top wheat, 16 wheat thins
Snack ~ none
Dinner ~ Egg, mushroom, olive, cheese, sour cream burrito

Workout was great.  Those walking push ups really pushed me today but it was a good failure.  My body is rebuilding itself newer and stronger.  I am loving how I feel and look.  I feel much more confident in my abilities to do anything.  I think it shows too :).  Must remember to have snacks and breakfast, getting light headed and almost fainting was not a good thing.  Means my body likes the new healthier me and it wants to keep it :).

Thursday, September 16, 2010

September 16th

Breakfast ~ 1 hard boiled egg, Orange juice
Snack ~ Quaker granola bar
Lunch ~ Turkey, cheese and spinach sandwich on split top wheat, fruit cup of peaches
Snack ~ Ritz peanut butter crackers
Dinner ~ Terriaky chicken, rice and monkey heads

Nothing but water all day long.
Workout was good.  Was sore today so yesterday must have pushed myself really hard :).  Level 3 is rough but good and I am only 1 week away from my goal of doing 30 solid days.  I can't believe it.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

September 15th

Breakfast ~ White Chocolate Mocha
Snack ~ see above :)
Lunch ~ Mushroom swiss burger with tomato and lettuce (veggies), fries and a dr pepper
Snack ~ none
Dinner ~ Kellogs complete bran flakes one serving

So today was not what I would call a good food day :).  But I ate so that has to count for something.  Today was a good sweat day though.  Day 2 of Level 3 only 8 more to go.  I am almost there.  I did pretty good tonight.  Made it through all the weighted jumping jacks and most of the scissor abs at the end.  I figured out what I was doing wrong with the walking planks so that seemed to "hurt" better haha.

Weight and inches lost

So I was 161.4 this morning and my waist is 37.5 and my hips are 41.5.  Its coming off.  Slowly but at least I stand a better chance of keeping it off.  I wish it was faster but mornings like this help me see results and keep going.  Tonight's workout will be great.  I wonder if that brisk walk helped?  Perhaps I should do that more.... Even if I can't run.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

September 14th first day of level 3

Breakfast ~ cinnamon raisin english muffin
Snack ~ Quaker Granola Bar, banana
Lunch ~ Half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on homemade bread, greek yogurt
Snack ~ none
Dinner ~ Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, Avocado croissant sandwich, 10 french fries of the kids, two bits of a salad and water

At least I managed not to have any soda :).
Water is doing good.  I had green tea this morning.  I had about 6 glasses of water at work and 2 at dinner. My water is moving up that is great.
Excersies ~ I went for a walk during lunch with a co worker just to stretch our legs, fairly brisk 2 miles in a little less than an hour.  It was a good break from work if nothing else.  Today was the first day of level 3 and my last 10 days of this workout.  Man that level 3 is intense but great.  And I felt good for finishing strong.  Lots of jumping.  I am still doing the beginner level so perhaps I will do the set again and try to work up to the advanced level before moving levels.  Maybe change it up a bit or something.  I really like doing them.  They are over so quick and I feel like I got a good work out in. Burned probably close to 500 calories today between the walk and the workout tonight.  Just got to keep on keeping on.

Monday, September 13, 2010

September 13th Day 20

Breakfast ~ Left over pancakes, glass of Orange Juice
Snack ~ Green Tea, celery with peanut butter
Lunch ~ Half a turkey and Cheese sandwich, 4 strawberries, water
Snack ~ Quaker granola bar (only 90 calories)
Dinner ~ 2 slices flank steak, baked potato, green beans, water

Water ~ 10 glasses of water today.  That is outstanding!

Exercise ~ Today was the last day of Level 2.  Tomorrow I start level 3.  I don't know how ready I am for it but I am excited because I only have 10 days left.  Then I can give my legs a break.  They are killing me. I am going ice them tonight and wrap at least one in an ace bandage and see if that helps.  They are hurting.  Oh boy am I sweating tonight.  Doing good though.  Having a bit of a fat day but I will get through this.  I am sticking to my workout.  Eating healthier and giving it my best.  That is all I can do.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

September 12th

Whew!  Feeling it tonight.  But it was a good sweat session.  My calfs are really achy tonight but I will take a shower when I am done here and then ice them.  Hopefully by Tuesday I can go for a run before work.  Yes I want to still try to add in that second workout a day when I can.  Tomorrow I have to go to work and ok my new schedule with the boss :).

Breakfast ~ special pancakes, bacon
Lunch ~ Turkey and cheese sandwich
Snack ~ two handfuls of smartfood popcorn
Dinner ~ Chicken baked with tomato, spinach and asiago cheese.  (It was amazing thanks hubby).

Saturday, September 11, 2010

September 11, 2010

Breakfast ~ Oatmeal with milk and a tsp of sugar
Lunch ~ turkey, cheese sandwich on split top wheat bread, 1 serving wheat thin crackers
Dinner ~ 1 slice Digornio cheese pizza
No snacks today.  Only drank water.  Not sure how much since some was shared with Chris.
Workout felt good.  I was tired and didn't want to do it (I know common theme) but I did it anyway and of course as always I felt great because I finished.  Today was day 18 only 12 more to go.  It was day 8 of level 2.  I can see that I am improving.  But its still hard when I can't finish a set without a 5 second break.  Planks are hard for me since my core is the part of me the most out of shape.  But it is getting smaller.  We bought two full length mirrors today (on sale) and it made a big difference in form.  Especially during the oblique twists those things are hard.  I am still having trouble with the last set of abs, plank twists but I keep trying and I will get there. Only 2 more days then moving on to level 3.  And that is a great feeling knowing that I am so close to the end and seeing such good results.  I can't wait to see my after picture.

Friday, September 10, 2010

September 10, 2010

Breakfast ~ oatmeal with milk
Lunch ~ Turkey and cheese sandwich on wheat
Snack ~ chocolate chip cookie (yes they need to leave the house)
Dinner ~ Outback honey dijon chicken (1/2), about 4 sweet potato fries, 2 slices of honey wheat bread, 1/2 a side caesar salad and some assuie fries.

Not to bad of a day overall.  If anything I need to add more calories.  Tomorrow is grocery day!  I have been looking forward to going and getting healthy snacks for the house.

Exercise ~ Jogged/walked 2 miles in about 35 mins.  Note to self turn on airplane mode.  I got a phone call on the return trip and it messed me up.  Lost my forward motion.  Did Day 17 of the 30 day shred.  Feeling Good.  My legs are throbbing right now but it is so worth it when I look in the mirror and my waist is shrinking.  I had a friend tell me she can see in my face that I am losing weight.  That is a good feeling.  And the run felt great this morning.  Overall a good day.  But man am I tired.  Time to watch some Dexter and fall asleep.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

September 9th

Ok today my jeans were falling off all day.  It was a great annoying feeling :).  Those that have lost jean sizes know what I am talking about.  Today's workout was good.  I was able to get through more of the plank moves without resting and doing them correctly.  I did 9 push ups!  That is such a huge deal for me.  I only did like 1 the first time I did this video two weeks ago.  Yeah I know amazing.  I am making huge strides and I am sure I am going to be at my goal weight by March 2011 no problem.  Slow and steady wins the race.

Breakfast ~ egg mcmuffin, small (kid size) orange juice
Snack ~ donut
Lunch ~ nap time
Snack ~ None
Dinner ~ crockpot chicken, green beans and rice

Water ~ again something that needs some work.  But tomorrow is another day and another chance to keep track.

I so got this!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

September 8th

Halfway done!  Today was day 15 of my 30 day shred.  Doing good.  I can do a whole 30 sec of jump rope without stopping.  Quiet an improvement from 2 weeks ago when I couldn't even go 10 secs.  The plank moves in level 2 are still rough but hey I am halfway through level 2 also.  Today was day 5.  I can't believe how fast its going.  I am in between jean sizes so it must be doing something.  Can't wait to measure in 2 more weeks.

Breakfast ~ Half a plain bagel with cream cheese
Lunch ~ Teriyaki chicken, rice, shrimp, Dr. Pepper
Snack ~ half a lipton green tea
Dinner ~ 1 bean burrito no onions, no red sauce add sour cream from taco bell
Water ~ Goal for tomorrow actually track my water usage.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

September 7th

Day 14! Almost halfway done.  Not only will I be half done with the whole program tomorrow but halfway through level 2 as well.  Level 2 is no joke.  Those planks are rough.  I am getting stronger but not as strong as I would like.  Just have to keep pushing it and keep trying.  I will get there.

Breakfast ~ Complete Bran Flakes with milk
Lunch ~ Turkey sandwich with cheese
Snack ~ Apple slices
Dinner ~ Steak, Ceaser salad lite (only 90 calories) and a small portion of mac and cheese.
Snack ~ Chocolate chip cookie

Burned 209 calories during my workout tonight.  I looked in the mirror and it does look as if my middle is starting to trim down.  I am resisting the urge to tape.  My pants fit better, still tight but not as tight :).  It was a good day overall.

Monday, September 6, 2010

September 6th

Breakfast ~ missed it
Lunch ~ Turkey Sandwich, smartfood popcorn, Cherry Coke Zero, Heath Bar
Dinner ~ Pork Loin, Pasta Salad, Green Beans
Water ~ I never keep track...Fail.

Day 3 level 2 was a bit rough.  I can tell that my eating affected my workout tonight.  And it felt really crappy.  I finished just not as strong as I would have liked.  Although out of 13 days having 2 bad ones isn't to bad.  My legs are hurting tonight, I will need motrin and ice :(.  No big deal, shake this one off, at least I did it and didn't wuss out.  I finished and am proud that I did.  Now to shower, ice and sleep.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

September 5th

Breakfast ~ Half of a homemade sausage, egg, cheese, english muffin sandwich, 2 glasses of Orange Juice
Lunch ~ 1 packet of Lipton chicken noodle soup, saltines, water
Dinner ~ half of a blueberry bagel, tea and water

I haven't been feeling well today.  I really was looking for a reason to not work out but I just couldn't not work out.  I made it through Day 12 Level 2 (day 2 of level 2) and it felt good to push through it.  I am fighting this cold thing that is threatening to derail me.  But I refuse to let it stop me.  Level 2 is no joke but I am noticing that my body is adapting faster.  I mixed up a couple moves today but I still got them all in.  I have to do the beginner level stuff for some of the plank moves but I am getting through it.  And improving everyday.  I will try to go running tomorrow morning and then do Level 2 again tomorrow night.  I am determined to be in the best shape of my life, one way or the other!  Alot more core movements with level 2.  Lots of planks.  LOVE IT!!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

September 4th

Today was Day 11.  First day of Level 2.  OMG that is some tough stuff.  I am a hurting momma!  But I finished and I feel great, sweaty but great.  My heart is pumping.  Tomorrow I am going to use my heart rate monitor so I can see how many calories level 2 is burning.  I also went for a run this morning.  Doing GREAT!

Breakfast ~ Complete Bran flakes and milk
Lunch ~ Mushroom Swiss Burger, fries and a dr pepper
Snack ~ apple slices
Dinner ~ Grilled chicken, 1/2 an ear of corn on the cob, 1/2 cup of pasta salad with wheat noodles
Snack ~ birthday cake (Hey its not everyday your baby boy turns 4)

Actually even with my two splurges I am doing good for eating.  And I worked out twice :).  Go me!

Broke through my plateau

I finally broke through my plateau.  I was at 163 this morning :).  It feels great to be moving down again.  My clothes are fitting better (not so tight) and I feel great.  My confidence is up and I am pushing through.  I went for a run this morning and it was wonderful.  I didn't get quiet 2 miles but I did 28 mins and burned 259 calories according to my heart rate monitor.  I love that thing.  I don't know how I survived before it :). I am loving the fact that my body is making good choices for me.  It doesn't want those icky foods.  It is making the changes without me trying.  Tonight while everyone is enjoying Hot Dogs I will have some grilled chicken, and the pasta salad is going to be made with whole wheat Rotini instead of White.  Small changes to change our lifestyle, not a quick fix.  I am excited to be adding some jogging/walking into my days.  Just three days a week.  Nothing crazy.  Plus walks with the dog and family at night.  I am going to be one HOT mamma!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Level 1 DONE!

Today was the last day for Level 1 of the 30 day shred.  I feel great and very excited to start Level 2.  I actually went and counted to make sure I wasn't mistaken.  I can't believe its been 10 days already.  I do have to force myself to work out some nights but I just remind myself how great I feel afterwards and that helps.  Writing here each night helps too.  because when I am in a funk I can read this and remember how great I felt when I got done and it helps me to get up and get moving.

Breakfast ~ Complete Bran Flakes with milk
Lunch ~ Teriyaki chicken (needed some protein)
Dinner ~ One bite of a burrito supreme, one bite of a taco supreme and one bite of a chicken flatbread thing, all from Taco Bell and all very gross.  I guess my tastes are changing.
Water honestly no idea.

I am finding that I don't want to eat out.  The thought just doesn't appeal to me.  I want to go home and eat something that I know how good it is for me.  I am doing all this work why throw it away with bad food.  I am craving carrots and apples, and other healthy things.  I am loving these changes and I am glad that I jumped back into this with both feet.  It has been great for me.  I just hope it does the trick for October weigh-ins.  I am sure if I stay on track and continue to improve my eating I will not only feel great but I will look great too :).  I looked at some pictures today that were taken recently and I can see a difference.  It might be subtle but its there.  Well off to shower and go to bed feeling great!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

September 2

Breakfast ~ Lipton Tea, Complete Bran flakes 3/4 cup and 1/2 cup milk
Snack ~ apple slices 2.8 oz
Lunch ~ Peanut Butter sandwich on wheat bread, apple slices 2.8 oz
Snack ~ half of a personal size cheeto crunchy bag
Dinner ~ home made egg salad sandwich and one hard boiled egg
Water was about 8 glasses

Workout was great.  Level 1 day 9 and feeling good.  Made it through the entire 3rd cardio circuit no problem.  Did all three butt kick circuits and kicked my own ass :).  I am feeling good and seeing improvements.  Even if the scaled doesn't show them.  I think my calories were a little to low today but its a learning thing so we will get there.  Jeremy's birthday on Saturday should prove to be a challenge but it will be good.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

September 1

Wohoo Start of a new month :).
I am doing great.  Today was day 8.  I don't think this was one of my best workouts but I think it was better than the first time I did the video.
Breakfast ~ Blueberry bagel with cream cheese, water
Snack ~ donut, and package of apples
Lunch ~ PB&J on wheat bread, Chobani yogurt (strawberry)
Dinner ~ Bean burrito with cheese, olives and lettuce.

Lots of protein today with the beans, peanut butter, and yogurt.  I still stayed under 1300 calories if the counter is right.  Everyone has to start somewhere.  I think I have found something that works for me and to heck with what anyone says.  I didn't get this way overnight and one workout and one healthy meal isn't going to change me back.  These are lifestyle changes we are making.  Just by eating at home more I am eating healthier.  By working out every night I am improving my health.  Those that want to say I can't do it well poo on you.  I can and will do this and be a stronger person in the end.